I don't understand why I am still struggling so much, every single day, with this break-up. I DON'T want to be with him so what's my problem?!? I am so sick of all of it. I just want to stop my obsessive thoughts. The ONLY thing that got me through the weekend was that God kept directing me to go to my Bible. I went to the Psalms and to the things I had highlighted in the New Testament and I would feel hope and peace again. It was getting so bad yesterday evening I felt completely hopeless again. Ready to give up on God. I DO NOT like that!!
I'm doing better today though. I'm reading so many wonderful blog posts here. They are all just lifting up my soul.
My son is home!!!!! He got home Saturday evening and last night promptly went off to church and to spend the night at a friend's house so they could go to the beach with the High School ministry today! My girl, her friend, my friend and I all went to the Surf Fellowship on Saturday and it was wonderful. There were over 100 people there from church. It is sooo awesome having church on the beach!! The best part was that my friend sat in on the service and enjoyed it and liked what she heard and wants to come again AND wants to come to church with us!!!!
We didn't go tour the Navy destroyer because the wait was 2-3 hours! I am trying to heal a torn ligament in my ankle and could not have stood in line that long. My son and I just had a lazy day yesterday. Which is NOT conducive to my mental well-being.
I have my recovery meeting tonight. It's not AA and it's not Celebrate Recovery. It's their own thing using the 12 steps and the Life Recovery bible. I love it! But, I need to learn to call my sponsor more often. I haven't talked to her in over a week. I really need to pick up the phone. I'm not struggling with not drinking, it's so much more about the break-up than anything else. But I've never had to deal with life before without alcohol masking everything. Life is HARD!
But God is good. I KNOW He is working in me. I know He has a future for me. I just need to move it from the "knowing" in my mind to "believing" in my heart.
Hello out there
1 year ago