Monday, August 3, 2009


I don't understand why I am still struggling so much, every single day, with this break-up. I DON'T want to be with him so what's my problem?!? I am so sick of all of it. I just want to stop my obsessive thoughts. The ONLY thing that got me through the weekend was that God kept directing me to go to my Bible. I went to the Psalms and to the things I had highlighted in the New Testament and I would feel hope and peace again. It was getting so bad yesterday evening I felt completely hopeless again. Ready to give up on God. I DO NOT like that!!

I'm doing better today though. I'm reading so many wonderful blog posts here. They are all just lifting up my soul.

My son is home!!!!! He got home Saturday evening and last night promptly went off to church and to spend the night at a friend's house so they could go to the beach with the High School ministry today! My girl, her friend, my friend and I all went to the Surf Fellowship on Saturday and it was wonderful. There were over 100 people there from church. It is sooo awesome having church on the beach!! The best part was that my friend sat in on the service and enjoyed it and liked what she heard and wants to come again AND wants to come to church with us!!!!

We didn't go tour the Navy destroyer because the wait was 2-3 hours! I am trying to heal a torn ligament in my ankle and could not have stood in line that long. My son and I just had a lazy day yesterday. Which is NOT conducive to my mental well-being.

I have my recovery meeting tonight. It's not AA and it's not Celebrate Recovery. It's their own thing using the 12 steps and the Life Recovery bible. I love it! But, I need to learn to call my sponsor more often. I haven't talked to her in over a week. I really need to pick up the phone. I'm not struggling with not drinking, it's so much more about the break-up than anything else. But I've never had to deal with life before without alcohol masking everything. Life is HARD!

But God is good. I KNOW He is working in me. I know He has a future for me. I just need to move it from the "knowing" in my mind to "believing" in my heart.


  1. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. I live in Lake elsinore. Point Loma is down past the airport. It is so wonderful down there! You might be able to google it.

    Anyway, stop by any time. My life is not perfect, but it is my life.

  2. You feel guilt??? Or what? You know, I've heard that a person who bangs his head constantly for years, then suddenly quits...well, he MISSES it! Got it?

    Other topic, 12-step in church is wonderful, just keep your eye on the ball, that is STAY SOBER one day ay a time. Our disease is "cunning, baffling, POWERFUL" (NOTE: It is NOTHING like just old fornicatin' adulterying 'REGULAR' sin. It is just waiting for us to have a sad, or sorry, or guilty, or weak, or "obsessive (your word) moment. Got THAT?

    Your friend in this regard, believe me.


  3. For me, working with another alcoholic gets me out of my mind, at least temporarily.

  4. I can so relate to these stuggles. I only got sober to get my husband back, and spent many months crying and pleading with God and constantly THINKING about him(the now ex). I did a posting on obsessions of the mind, and got some really good feed back. I've had to work long and hard on this's not easy.

  5. It sounds to me like your life is truly blessed. Your son promptly went off to church! You get to go to church on the beach. You're making it day by day and pretty soon you'll have a string of wonderful memories. And, in your future, there is a better man.

  6. Thank you for your kind comment on my blog. I am so glad to find your blog.

    You have to get through the grief in order to get to the other side of it and move on. Give yourself time. Don't be so hard on yourself. It will work itself out. :-)

  7. I found that guilt wasn't helpful in any form. It just made me beat myself up over and over. I am glad to ask God to remove my shortcomings and to understand my past enough to move into the present day. That has helped me to let go of guilt. I can't change what used to be but I can change what happens today.

  8. You sound so much like me girl. I was also pregnant at 17, domestic abuse survivor, and have also survived a few other tortures in my life. But God is the Ultimate Healer. Hang on to that! Take things one step at a time. Even if they are baby steps. That's the only way I can make it through each day. In fact, some days I just have to sit and be still. The important thing is not to blame yourself for anything! You are a victim......and you are one strong woman for sharing your story with us. {{{HUGS}}}