Friday, October 16, 2009

It's Friday.....

We were supposed to go to a football game tonight. My alma mater's homecoming game. Against my kid's school. BUT my girl texted me and said she's not feeling that great and she really sounded like crap on the phone when she woke up, so I think I'm going to make a "mom executive decision" and we'll just stay home. It's really funny. For the past 6 months I have NOT wanted to sit around at home. I wanted to be busy, busy, busy. Well, it's caught up with me and I'm burnt out. I'm so glad this weekend is looking really easy. Boy has hockey coaching and church tomorrow, then I have church on Sun morning. My boy will stay at church all day so he can snag us a good place in line for church that night. StellarKart will be there, so it will be alot of fun.
Women's bible study last night was awesome. We are studying the book of John. The teaching was all about obedience and it was perfectly timed. I had been feeling like chucking everything, my meetings, all of it. I was just having the feeling I didn't need it anymore. I had asked God for some clear direction on this. He came through (no surprise!). My sponsor texted me last night (after her not answering me for over a week) AND my counselor, who I haven't been to in months because I can't afford it, called me to see how I was doing. When I told her why I hadn't been back, she cut my fee and told me to pay what I could. So obviously this was all a thump on the head by God to let me know I can't do it by myself (duh). My problem had been that I felt I was dwelling on my addiction and abuse too much. I don't want them to be what defines me, I was putting myself into a box, and I started fighting against it. What I need to do is realize that these things ARE a part of me, and I do have to deal with them, but they are not ALL I am. So, my decision is to get back to my home meeting when volleyball is over and to get back to counseling twice a month.
From "Proverbs 31 Woman" email devotion:
"There's no place you can go that God can't follow. No heartbreak, no betrayal, no refection, no failure, no disappointment, and no evil can stop Him from coming near. God will always come. He cannot fail you. He will never quit you, never forget you, and never leave you. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
1) God's thumps on the head
2) lessons hopefully learned in bible study
3) a quiet weekend
4) I get to leave work at noon today
5) ALL OF YOU!!!!!! you all encourage and uplift me daily. THANK YOU!!


  1. "...these things ARE a part of me, and I do have to deal with them, but they are not ALL I am." THAT is a gem of a statement - so true.


  2. Good decision. I don't wear the fact that I am a recoverying drunk and druggie on my sleeve but it a part of me like you said. Being an alcoholic/addict is a dangerous part of me so I have to do certain things to keep the this dangerous self safely under control; meetings, talking to my sponsor and others on this path, working with others and of course prayer and mediation, all of them play an essential role in my recovery from a hopeless state of mind and body. God is giving you little lessons to learn, you are heeding these lessons and learning from which is the main thing. This is all part of spiritual growth in recovery and some of us are crazy enough to cherish these moments ;-)

    Have a great weekend! I am work the 7am to 3pm both days and looking forward to it, Sunday in Spirituality group I am going to talk about graditude and have them list 5 things they are grateful for. As we both know graditude lists are a wonder tool in recovery.

    Peace Love and Light

  3. Your addiction and abuse certainly do not define you, are not ALL you are...... BUT..... they allow you to BE all that you are!
    That's MY understanding, not just an opinion, mind ya!.

  4. Psalm 34 is my favorite Psalm as it speaks on so many different levels about our humanity, It's my first time on your blog; I'm following Tall Kay around. I agree with Steve; our recovery allows us to be the person God wants us to be.
    Prayers to you,
    Chris Alba

  5. I loved that from Psalm 34 and it is soooo true; God always comes to us when we need him the most

    I hope your daughter feels better soon and you guys enjoy the weekend


  6. Your words always seem to hit me right where I need to be hit! Thanks Diane...I needed some hope today. I am grateful for exactly who you are today.

  7. Just when I think I know... God changes to the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent figure that He is again...